Exams - stress, frustration and fear

Education is incredibly important for all the
children whether they are typical or with
special needs. Finding the right school is
never a stress free task.

The school Cirwen attends is the best in the area
and she loves going there. I have always been
very grateful for loads of support, help and
understanding she has there. Cirwen never was
offered the Special Education Needs Statement
as for this a child has to have developmental
delay in 3 areas (academic, social and physical) and
it should be on the level of 3 years behind their
peers.

While autism is a "learning difficulty" itself, it
still has to be assessed separately. Cirwen's ability
to socialise, lack of behavioural challenges and
mild physical problems were not enough to grant her
the statement.

Despite of this the school used their funding for speech
and language therapy, occupational therapy and
additional literacy and numeracy lessons. However
Cirwen is not a genius, she also is not thick. Due
to limited materials and training of teachers her
academic performance in maths is rather poor. As
many autistic people, Cirwen is a visual learner and
a "doer". Theory of maths goes past her ears and she
cannot comprehend either the question or the verbal
explanation. She gets very frustrated in class as
despite asking questions often it still is difficult to
understand what she is supposed to do.

This week is the SATs week. The nightmare for
Cirwen, who knows that this time she will not be
allowed to ask questions during the exam. Today
is science. She went to school happily, but on the
way she expressed her fear that she might not
understand the questions. My answer to that was,
"Don't worry, you are not failing or passing this test.
Do your best and read carefully. You are bright
so I know you'll figure it out - just don't panic."
She seemed reassured and brightened up and
skipped for the rest of the way.

She was worried the most about the maths test.
It was to our great relief to have found out, that
due to her attainment in maths and the stress
levels it would cause, Cirwen will not sit the test.
She will be assessed by the teacher on the base
of her day to day work. Again I am grateful to
the school teachers involved for this decision.

Cirwen will sit English tomorrow and on Wednesday.
Hopefully, she will do well. I am sure, she will try
her best and both her Dad and me will do what it
takes to help her relax afterwards.

Do you have "an autistic bone" in you?

This post has been inspired by Takeaway Pizza's comment on
one of my previous blogs.

There are some aspects of autism, I'm sure, we can all relate to.
Some of us are generally shy and don't find it easy to get along
with other people, make friends or find a quick retort to a
cheeky comment.

I personally do not like shopping on Saturdays. It's too crowdy,
it's difficult to get to where you want and I definitely go into
"trolley rage" in my local supermarket when people just stop
in front of me and I can't move. There are also situations
where I feel overwhelmed. It can be just a bunch of my friends
having two conversations in the same time, both trying to get
me involved, and I find it difficult to concentrate on anything
what's being said.

My husband cannot sleep in a hotel for a few first nights because
the bed is different.

I don't think you have to be autistic to become a collector or
become slightly obsessed with a subject. This is called a "hobby
or a "calling".

So what's a difference? Think about all these little quirks of
yours or your close and multiple the intensity by ... let's say
ten. I don't like wool because it's itchy. How itchy it must be
for my daughter whose skin is hypersensitive? No wonder
she could go into a tantrum when she was in this sort of
discomfort but could not explain it to me, because she did
not know the words to describe it.

There is another important aspect of autism. Because of
different neurological "wiring" of the brain people with
autism perceive human beings on the same level as objects.
This is where the problem with connecting and bonding takes
its roots. This is also why very often objects collected are
more important (seemingly) than the family members.

A lot of social interaction is based on reading facial
expressions. My daughter doesn't posses this ability.
Very often, when I do not smile while talking to her
she has to make sure how I feel and asks if I am happy.
Sarcasm, or playful "telling her off" isn't so clear as well.
When her friends are instantly laughing, she asks: "Are
you angry?" Both my husband and I have to make sure
that our faces are clearly reflecting our mood.

Literal thinking is another aspect. When Cirwen first
went to school I wasn't too sure how she will deal with
usual children teasing. No one could actually upset her
by saying "you're stupid!" No, her answer to any
kind of insult like this was: "I'm not stupid, I'm a Cirwen!"
Well, she grew out of it now and she gets upset, but she
doesn't know any more how to answer.

The crowdy place for an autistic person means not
only the annoyance. People bumping into you all
the time, inability to get straight to the desired object
and the noise is disorienting, sensory stimuli are
too many to cause a melt down.

Some autistic people are very sensitive to colours.
I have spoken to one of mums on a training we both
took. Her daughter suddenly stopped spending as
much time in their newly painted living room. After
some time she explained that terracotta (the colour on
the walls) "was scratching her brain". I don't like
some colours, but they never affect me so strongly...

Again I think it might be a good book if I was an
expert. I am not. I'm only a mum and although
I have not so many friends, I don't fit everywhere,
and some call me eccentric - I am not autistic.
I do have common sense and instinctively know
what to do if I get lost in a new place. My
daughter, however... She needs to be taught that
instead of panicking or running blindly forward, she should
ask someone for directions. Often she needs to write
down what to ask...

So, if you have "an autistic bone" in you, is it easy to
admit to it? Maybe it will be easier to accept or
understand those who are autistic "to the bone"?