It have been very eventful two days here, within
the blog community. The Awards being given and
received.
Thanks to these awards I have so many new
fantastic blogs to check out and follow! Phew,
it's very exciting and spring like...
However, what I actually want to say is:
Thank you AlPha Buttonpusher. Thank you
for passing the honour of Noblesse Oblige
to me. I have only started my blog a month
ago with big aspirations but expectation of
rather mild response due to a sensitive subject
or, as they call it niche. I am truly stunned by
the warm welcome, encouragement and variety
of my readers!
To add a cherry on top AlPha has took her
time to search for these new autism related
icons with added link to "Untamed thoughts..."
What can I say but: just jump up and down
and shout again Thank you!!!
For your time, generosity and all these
beautiful things and thoughts you do!
Click away dear friends, copy and paste,
add anywhere you wish.
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Monday, 13 April 2009
If there was a cure, would I...?
The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon is another one on my favourite books list. I have written
this review for one of other websites I joined. The book is placed in a futuristic world. It left me
with very strange question. If there was a cure, would I put my daughter through it? Would
she stay the same and if not would this be a change for better?
For those who are here for the first time. Please remember I am pondering over the mild case of high functioning autistic. In the case of severe autism I would not hesitate.
The Speed of Dark is narrated mainly by its autistic hero, Lou Arrendale. Written with the honesty and passion the book is another example of Moon's gift for characteristics.
Lou is 35 and his life is perfectly organized. Thanks to his gift for pattern analysis he works for a pharmaceutical company together with his "normal" and autistic co-workers, he practices fencing, makes friends. He follows the rule hammered into his head for years: "Act normal, and you will be normal enough."
His peace, however, is shattered after his "normal" friend's violent outburst and an unexpected announcement of his new boss. The management gave all autistic staff an ultimatum: undergo the new experimental treatment to cure autism or lose the job. The treatment will alter the subject's brain, wipe out everything what made them - personality, memory, knowledge - tabula nasa.
That is when Lou's exploration of free will, identity, health and illness, good and evil begins. He looks for answers. Who will he become? Will there be a slight memory of Lou Arrendale left when he wakes up? Is it really better to be "normal"? What is the speed of dark? If he chooses to undergo the treatment he will have to catch the darkness. Lou throws himself into studies of neurology in order to find the pattern which would help him understand his dilemma. Like many little boys, he wanted to become an astronaught and because Lou was autistic this dream could not come true. If he becomes "normal" will he be able to follow that path and make his dream come true?
His philosophical quest for self is captivating in his obsession with the speed of dark. Lou finally makes his decision - "When I get there, the speed of light and the speed of dark will be the same".
Elizabeth Moon has presented us with a very believable character and psyche of an autistic. You will not find many so insightful novels written by a "normal". Her book is a gift to all of us; a chance to understand the unknown; appreciate the different, and question. "Not knowing arrives before knowing" says Lou; such a simple truth but how much courage does it take to make this step and find out...
I have put down this book with many questions still gnawing at me and I hope those who will read it now, will see why. Most compelling and eye opening piece of great literature.
this review for one of other websites I joined. The book is placed in a futuristic world. It left me
with very strange question. If there was a cure, would I put my daughter through it? Would
she stay the same and if not would this be a change for better?
For those who are here for the first time. Please remember I am pondering over the mild case of high functioning autistic. In the case of severe autism I would not hesitate.
The Speed of Dark is narrated mainly by its autistic hero, Lou Arrendale. Written with the honesty and passion the book is another example of Moon's gift for characteristics.
Lou is 35 and his life is perfectly organized. Thanks to his gift for pattern analysis he works for a pharmaceutical company together with his "normal" and autistic co-workers, he practices fencing, makes friends. He follows the rule hammered into his head for years: "Act normal, and you will be normal enough."
His peace, however, is shattered after his "normal" friend's violent outburst and an unexpected announcement of his new boss. The management gave all autistic staff an ultimatum: undergo the new experimental treatment to cure autism or lose the job. The treatment will alter the subject's brain, wipe out everything what made them - personality, memory, knowledge - tabula nasa.
That is when Lou's exploration of free will, identity, health and illness, good and evil begins. He looks for answers. Who will he become? Will there be a slight memory of Lou Arrendale left when he wakes up? Is it really better to be "normal"? What is the speed of dark? If he chooses to undergo the treatment he will have to catch the darkness. Lou throws himself into studies of neurology in order to find the pattern which would help him understand his dilemma. Like many little boys, he wanted to become an astronaught and because Lou was autistic this dream could not come true. If he becomes "normal" will he be able to follow that path and make his dream come true?
His philosophical quest for self is captivating in his obsession with the speed of dark. Lou finally makes his decision - "When I get there, the speed of light and the speed of dark will be the same".
Elizabeth Moon has presented us with a very believable character and psyche of an autistic. You will not find many so insightful novels written by a "normal". Her book is a gift to all of us; a chance to understand the unknown; appreciate the different, and question. "Not knowing arrives before knowing" says Lou; such a simple truth but how much courage does it take to make this step and find out...
I have put down this book with many questions still gnawing at me and I hope those who will read it now, will see why. Most compelling and eye opening piece of great literature.
Sunday, 12 April 2009
The Award
I cannot believe my eyes. My little blog has been recognised for this wonderful award. The more appreciated it is, as it has beengiven to me by THE GEM of this community herself Alpha Buttonpusher whose blog I read almost religiously. No one should
miss INduCed MEtaMoRphOsis.
The recipient of this award is recognised for:
1) The Blogger manifests exemplary attitude, respecting the nuances that pervades amongst different cultures and beliefs.
2) The Blog contents inspire; strives to encourage and offers solutions.
3) There is a clear purpose at the Blog; one that fosters a better understanding on Social, Political, Economic, the Arts, Culture and Sciences and Beliefs.
4) The Blog is refreshing and creative.
5) The Blogger promotes friendship and positive thinking.
The Blogger who receives this award will need to perform the following steps:
1) Create a Post with a mention and link to the person who presented the Noblesse Oblige Award. (done)
2) The Award Conditions must be displayed at the Post. (done)
3) Write a short article about what the Blog has thus far achieved – preferably citing one or more older post to support. (see below)
4) The Blogger must present the Noblesse Oblige Award in concurrence with the Award conditions. (done)
5) Blogger must display the Award at any location at the Blog. (done)
What this blog has achieved so far? This is a question... I hope it has achieved the main goal:
to raise awareness of autism and ruin some myths. The "sub-goal" is to share the way I deal
with my daughter's disability, the positive attitude towards it despite the obstacles and
creativity of parenting it demands. The nature of an autistic mind. I hope...
1) Autism - Myth and Reality
2) About a girl who didn't like love
3) How Goth culture helped my autistic daughter
4) Have you got an autistic bone in you?
5)Something to read
These are the blogs I chose to pass the Noblesse Oblige Award:
1. LIVE WRITE DREAM - poet and writer who's comedy just made it to stage
2. My Live... lived my way - for his humour and such a modest heroism
3.The Yes (Woman) - for her incredible honesty and insight
4.The Road To Here - Squirrel Queen's images and thoughts constant flow of
food for thought
5. Riding The Short Bus - for Kat's insight, sharp language and humour
Friday, 10 April 2009
Something to read
There are so many questions to ask when you
first hear the diagnosis of autism. All I new 5
years ago was "Rainman" and my daughter did
not fit into that character at all. As the word
was spoken during the biggest hype blaming
MMR all the doctors where happy to send me
home and deal with it in fear of another hate
campaign against them. I had to beg for tips
and resources and find my answers myself.
Along my search, I found a book which taught
me more than any psychological article ever
could.
"Nobody Nowhere" by Donna Williams is the
ultimate guide to autism. Dubbed by publishers
The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic,
leaves not much more for me to add.
Donna described her first 26 years of life in this
volume. Born in 1960s Australia, she was first
diagnosed psychotic rather than autistic. She
suffered from abuse and negligence. She was the
"crazy girl". She was erratic, ecstatic and withdrawn.
You can observe how she developed many ways
to cope with the outside world. She created two
personalities, to deal with different situations.
She became a perfect mimic and parodist in order
to communicate with others.
Donna left home in her teens as her family could
not manage her. This was a start of a long journey
to her self recognition. Through even more good
and unfortunate events she found herself in England
where she finally broke down. She found here
professional help. At the age of 26 Donna was
diagnosed with autism and numerous digestive
disorders. It took her ten long years of therapy to
start functioning rationally and comprehensively.
"Nobody Nowhere" was written during the first year
as a means to put her life in order. The manuscript
was left behind in Britain and "accidentally" published
(Donna's own words). Within months the book reached
status of a bestseller worldwide.
Since then Donna wrote 9 more books, a few screen
plays, films, recorded CDs with her own music and
songs, she paints and sculpts. She became a teacher,
and a lecturer.
For me Donna is an icon and hope. An example
that against all the odds, autism doesn't have to
stop people from leading a fulfilling, rich life.
Visit Donna's home page to learn more about this remarkable woman.
http://www.donnawilliams.net/
first hear the diagnosis of autism. All I new 5
years ago was "Rainman" and my daughter did
not fit into that character at all. As the word
was spoken during the biggest hype blaming
MMR all the doctors where happy to send me
home and deal with it in fear of another hate
campaign against them. I had to beg for tips
and resources and find my answers myself.
Along my search, I found a book which taught
me more than any psychological article ever
could.
"Nobody Nowhere" by Donna Williams is the
ultimate guide to autism. Dubbed by publishers
The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic,
leaves not much more for me to add.
Donna described her first 26 years of life in this
volume. Born in 1960s Australia, she was first
diagnosed psychotic rather than autistic. She
suffered from abuse and negligence. She was the
"crazy girl". She was erratic, ecstatic and withdrawn.
You can observe how she developed many ways
to cope with the outside world. She created two
personalities, to deal with different situations.
She became a perfect mimic and parodist in order
to communicate with others.
Donna left home in her teens as her family could
not manage her. This was a start of a long journey
to her self recognition. Through even more good
and unfortunate events she found herself in England
where she finally broke down. She found here
professional help. At the age of 26 Donna was
diagnosed with autism and numerous digestive
disorders. It took her ten long years of therapy to
start functioning rationally and comprehensively.
"Nobody Nowhere" was written during the first year
as a means to put her life in order. The manuscript
was left behind in Britain and "accidentally" published
(Donna's own words). Within months the book reached
status of a bestseller worldwide.
Since then Donna wrote 9 more books, a few screen
plays, films, recorded CDs with her own music and
songs, she paints and sculpts. She became a teacher,
and a lecturer.
For me Donna is an icon and hope. An example
that against all the odds, autism doesn't have to
stop people from leading a fulfilling, rich life.
Visit Donna's home page to learn more about this remarkable woman.
http://www.donnawilliams.net/
Thursday, 9 April 2009
Somewhere in the mist
I find it not exactly easy to express my feelings to
others. I usually keep it in. Take all in, soak like
a sponge and then... Then there is that one drop
too many and I EXPLODE. Like a volcano - all my
frustration is blurted out in both languages with
accompaniment of doors and pots, sometimes even
stomping my size 2 feet (not much noise there so
I don't do it too often). It lasts roughly 5 minutes and
I'm back to my normal, laid back self.
The point is, I know exactly what I'm doing, why and
what upset me. I am aware that I choose to be so.
The different story is with my little girl. Being autistic,
she not only has the difficulty expressing her feelings.
She is very affectionate towards the close people to her,
but those who she doesn't know - well, she lacks empathy.
I remember an incident in a park. We were walking past
a little crowd gathered around an elderly woman who
collapsed. We found out someone already called 991, so
there was nothing more to do. What struck me, Cirwen
looked at this woman she talked to everyday about her dog,
and says: "Oh, she's dead." and kept walking. Just like this.
No emotion, no empathy in her little voice (6 years old at
the time).
I froze inside. Am I bringing up a cold hearted tiny person?
Is she pretending to be sympathetic towards us because
she was told that's how she should feel?
We had a chat later at home. She couldn't really explain
what she felt there, in the park. In her logic, the woman
was very old (which really meant older than me), so may
be it was her time to go. She didn't feel sad, because it
was just a lady from a park, whom she barely knew, and
she had no place in Cirwen's immediate life. She was not
bonded or used to this person, therefore, there was no
emotional attachment. She didn't feel sad, because the
lady had a "long life already". It was just pure logic. Not
inhuman - just reasoning of a six year old who took three
years to be able to sit on her grandmother's lap. That's
how difficult it is for her to bond with people. What
follows, that's how difficult it is to let herself to get
emotionally involved even with the family members.
No, she isn't a cold hearted beast. She is eleven now and more
opened to everyone. She can brave an "I love you" and adores
her little brother. Yet, she refuses to talk about the "bad
days" at school, she is very easily offended by other kids. These
are the sad feelings she is afraid to express. She knows now
she is different than her friends, yet sometimes, despite my
reassurance that different is good, beneficial, she wants to fit
in. Just a little bit.
And then there is the mysterious "I'm sad... I just don't feel
myself today" . I haven't discovered yet, what it is. I have
to wait till she finds another words to describe what she feels.
Till then a hug must suffice, my love and kiss on the hair.
There is a very affectionate, warm and loving person in my
Cirwen. At the moment however, she is still in the mist of
confusing actions of people she knows, disorienting feelings,
looking and testing for what can be harmful or safe.
One day, I know, she will find her path to come out of
the mist and bloom.
others. I usually keep it in. Take all in, soak like
a sponge and then... Then there is that one drop
too many and I EXPLODE. Like a volcano - all my
frustration is blurted out in both languages with
accompaniment of doors and pots, sometimes even
stomping my size 2 feet (not much noise there so
I don't do it too often). It lasts roughly 5 minutes and
I'm back to my normal, laid back self.
The point is, I know exactly what I'm doing, why and
what upset me. I am aware that I choose to be so.
The different story is with my little girl. Being autistic,
she not only has the difficulty expressing her feelings.
She is very affectionate towards the close people to her,
but those who she doesn't know - well, she lacks empathy.
I remember an incident in a park. We were walking past
a little crowd gathered around an elderly woman who
collapsed. We found out someone already called 991, so
there was nothing more to do. What struck me, Cirwen
looked at this woman she talked to everyday about her dog,
and says: "Oh, she's dead." and kept walking. Just like this.
No emotion, no empathy in her little voice (6 years old at
the time).
I froze inside. Am I bringing up a cold hearted tiny person?
Is she pretending to be sympathetic towards us because
she was told that's how she should feel?
We had a chat later at home. She couldn't really explain
what she felt there, in the park. In her logic, the woman
was very old (which really meant older than me), so may
be it was her time to go. She didn't feel sad, because it
was just a lady from a park, whom she barely knew, and
she had no place in Cirwen's immediate life. She was not
bonded or used to this person, therefore, there was no
emotional attachment. She didn't feel sad, because the
lady had a "long life already". It was just pure logic. Not
inhuman - just reasoning of a six year old who took three
years to be able to sit on her grandmother's lap. That's
how difficult it is for her to bond with people. What
follows, that's how difficult it is to let herself to get
emotionally involved even with the family members.
No, she isn't a cold hearted beast. She is eleven now and more
opened to everyone. She can brave an "I love you" and adores
her little brother. Yet, she refuses to talk about the "bad
days" at school, she is very easily offended by other kids. These
are the sad feelings she is afraid to express. She knows now
she is different than her friends, yet sometimes, despite my
reassurance that different is good, beneficial, she wants to fit
in. Just a little bit.
And then there is the mysterious "I'm sad... I just don't feel
myself today" . I haven't discovered yet, what it is. I have
to wait till she finds another words to describe what she feels.
Till then a hug must suffice, my love and kiss on the hair.
There is a very affectionate, warm and loving person in my
Cirwen. At the moment however, she is still in the mist of
confusing actions of people she knows, disorienting feelings,
looking and testing for what can be harmful or safe.
One day, I know, she will find her path to come out of
the mist and bloom.
Sunday, 5 April 2009
My Dad said that, so it's true!
Do you remember that time when your child started
to question everything? The endless, tiring "Why? Why?
But why?" causing the constant brain storm to find the
right answer and biting your tongue to prevent this
annoying answer rolling to the tip of your tongue I heard
so often from my father - "Because I'm your Dad and
I say so!"
Usually this time comes (I think) around the age of 3
or 4. I waited for this to happen, and it didn't come.
Cirwen turned 5 and we still didn't hear once asking
"why?". We both thought it was so strange. We
were explaining things around her when we thought
she should know how the world and people work.
Although she seemed interested in what we were saying,
she just took the information with this passive acceptance.
No questioning. In the so typical for autistic people
naivete and distance to the outside world she assumed,
that these two big people looking after her must know
everything and never are wrong.
I tried to provoke the question by asking her "Do you
know how/ why etc. ..." Or just asking her why she
did something hoping she will start at least to copy me.
No. nothing worked. She would express her interest or
not and she would explain (if she could) the reason for
doing something, but she would still never ask.
It came to the point that one day, my husband played
with Cirwen and her fairies and by the end of the game
she was convinced that Dad is Santa's elf helper and
Mum is the Tooth Fairy... There was no return from
this because Dad said that so it had to be the truth.
This got us thinking. Since then, my hubby started to
tell her incredible load of rubbish just to force to at least
question whether it was true or not. Sometimes I thought
it was a bit cruel, because some things scared her.
She wouldn't touch a key for a good few days, because
Dad said that there is a point in her back, where he can put
the key in and her legs will fall off... I did give him a row
for it as I had to put it straight and explain Dad was joking.
Next were stories about mum's and dad's super powers,
dolls coming to life when you turn your back on them
and many more. Gradually, she started to come to me
after my crazy husband cooked up another mad lie and
ask "Is that true?"
You see, we have that innate ability to read facial expressions.
We can often hear that false note in some one's voice and
a humorous twinkle in the eye which give away the fib or
joke. Cirwen, like others with autism was born without this
ability, therefore she relies on the cold words she hears.
Cirwen was about seven years old when the first "Why?"
ever came out of her mouth. I was beside myself! Two
years of applying both my provocative and my husband's
shock therapy finally worked!
The second aspect of her curiosity, I think, was the fact
that she settled down well at school, started her first
friendship and dared to open a little more to the world.
I noticed then, that she withdrew to her own dreamland
less and enjoyed more talking to others as well as trying
to make jokes of her own.
I'm not sure if she secretly still believes in some of those
stories... A year ago, she asked me if, when she becomes
a teenager she will get her own super powers... So there
I was with the dilemma. Do I tell her again it's all a bunch
of c**p? Or say "yes" and risk she'll repeat that at school
and be loughed at? In the end, I said "We'll see..."
I thought "She's only ten years old. We all need a little bit
of magic in our lives. After all I, myself hope one day
I will see a fairy!"
Cirwen has been gifted with wonderful imagination.
There's no need to kill it.
to question everything? The endless, tiring "Why? Why?
But why?" causing the constant brain storm to find the
right answer and biting your tongue to prevent this
annoying answer rolling to the tip of your tongue I heard
so often from my father - "Because I'm your Dad and
I say so!"
Usually this time comes (I think) around the age of 3
or 4. I waited for this to happen, and it didn't come.
Cirwen turned 5 and we still didn't hear once asking
"why?". We both thought it was so strange. We
were explaining things around her when we thought
she should know how the world and people work.
Although she seemed interested in what we were saying,
she just took the information with this passive acceptance.
No questioning. In the so typical for autistic people
naivete and distance to the outside world she assumed,
that these two big people looking after her must know
everything and never are wrong.
I tried to provoke the question by asking her "Do you
know how/ why etc. ..." Or just asking her why she
did something hoping she will start at least to copy me.
No. nothing worked. She would express her interest or
not and she would explain (if she could) the reason for
doing something, but she would still never ask.
It came to the point that one day, my husband played
with Cirwen and her fairies and by the end of the game
she was convinced that Dad is Santa's elf helper and
Mum is the Tooth Fairy... There was no return from
this because Dad said that so it had to be the truth.
This got us thinking. Since then, my hubby started to
tell her incredible load of rubbish just to force to at least
question whether it was true or not. Sometimes I thought
it was a bit cruel, because some things scared her.
She wouldn't touch a key for a good few days, because
Dad said that there is a point in her back, where he can put
the key in and her legs will fall off... I did give him a row
for it as I had to put it straight and explain Dad was joking.
Next were stories about mum's and dad's super powers,
dolls coming to life when you turn your back on them
and many more. Gradually, she started to come to me
after my crazy husband cooked up another mad lie and
ask "Is that true?"
You see, we have that innate ability to read facial expressions.
We can often hear that false note in some one's voice and
a humorous twinkle in the eye which give away the fib or
joke. Cirwen, like others with autism was born without this
ability, therefore she relies on the cold words she hears.
Cirwen was about seven years old when the first "Why?"
ever came out of her mouth. I was beside myself! Two
years of applying both my provocative and my husband's
shock therapy finally worked!
The second aspect of her curiosity, I think, was the fact
that she settled down well at school, started her first
friendship and dared to open a little more to the world.
I noticed then, that she withdrew to her own dreamland
less and enjoyed more talking to others as well as trying
to make jokes of her own.
I'm not sure if she secretly still believes in some of those
stories... A year ago, she asked me if, when she becomes
a teenager she will get her own super powers... So there
I was with the dilemma. Do I tell her again it's all a bunch
of c**p? Or say "yes" and risk she'll repeat that at school
and be loughed at? In the end, I said "We'll see..."
I thought "She's only ten years old. We all need a little bit
of magic in our lives. After all I, myself hope one day
I will see a fairy!"
Cirwen has been gifted with wonderful imagination.
There's no need to kill it.
Off topic...
Cirwen - The name is originating from Caerdwin - the Welsh goddess
of hunting. Meanings: fair, sacred, beautiful star.
The legend says Caerdwin used to hunt in the Celtic forests using her
magical bow. Usually she would take on the form of an animal as
a disguise. Her naked beauty in the full moon light seen by the mortal
eye was a sacrilege. Those who saw her hunting in her true form were
struck with her arrow and joined the spirits of the woods.
For the fans of World of Warcraft - the choice of this name for our
daughter has nothing to do with this game!
Draco - The constellation in the northern sky, also the smallest star
in this group. Meaning: little dragon.
According to one of the legends, all dragons turn into a star in this
constellation after they die. Draco was the last and youngest dragon
to join the sky.
For the fans of Harry Potter - the choice of this name has nothing to
do with Draco Malfoy! (although I'm waiting to be called to school
and be told he had a fight with Harry... bets I won't keep my face
straight?)
of hunting. Meanings: fair, sacred, beautiful star.
The legend says Caerdwin used to hunt in the Celtic forests using her
magical bow. Usually she would take on the form of an animal as
a disguise. Her naked beauty in the full moon light seen by the mortal
eye was a sacrilege. Those who saw her hunting in her true form were
struck with her arrow and joined the spirits of the woods.
For the fans of World of Warcraft - the choice of this name for our
daughter has nothing to do with this game!
Draco - The constellation in the northern sky, also the smallest star
in this group. Meaning: little dragon.
According to one of the legends, all dragons turn into a star in this
constellation after they die. Draco was the last and youngest dragon
to join the sky.
For the fans of Harry Potter - the choice of this name has nothing to
do with Draco Malfoy! (although I'm waiting to be called to school
and be told he had a fight with Harry... bets I won't keep my face
straight?)
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