First of all, I have to apologise to Jane from Days Of Our Lives
for not collecting my Golden Heart Award till today. I am
honoured to be in the company of people I admire, not
mentioning the award comes from someone who gives me
so much hope, food for thought and laughter. Thank you
Jane xxx!
Next, I have to admit, last 6 days have been absolutely mad.
It's all Spring's fault!!! And maybe people like SquirrelQueen,
who publish all that beautiful, colourful, "springy," photos.
As the world has a makeover I had one too... a bit of vanity.
Like the nature starts to show its colours and start new life,
I long for adventure... So here I am: new hair, new tattoo,
totally new image. I do not work in an office anymore so I do
not have to conform to the dreadful "business dress code" any
more. Yey!
Today I find out I have also been TAGGED in (Un)important
Things by SquirrelQueen (again it's her, lol, love ya really!)
from The Road To Here!
It's a game and it's dead easy!
RULES:
A) Mention the person who nominated you. (See above)
B) List six (un)important things that make you happy.
It's actually not so easy because there are more than six
things like this, I'm easily pleased....
1. A kiss from my daughter
2. The sound of my children's laughter
3. An experimental dinner cooked by my husband which
is always delicious
4. Sun and rainbows
5. A book or poem I can't stop reading
6. Tom Waits and a glass of good old Jack Daniels on a winter evening
C) Tag six blogs, state the rules and notify them with a short
comment on their blog.
Here you are, these are those I have recently discovered:
1. Awziejam from Too strange To be True
2. VoodoKobra from Kobra's Korner
3. Locateblogger from MusicManiac
4. jb from It's Gonna Take More Than A Hamburger To
Make me Happy
5. Comedianx from Comedians World
6. Grumpy from My Blog
Phew! OK people you've been TAGGED!!!
I hope I will catch up with you all and myself soon...
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Taming the chaos - continued
There is another type of chaos for those with autism.
It's us typical, ordinary people. In contrary to the
usual daily activities we can organise and predict, another
human being is much more difficult to understand.
People are unpredictable. During an interaction, with
another, you can't often predict what makes them laugh,
what might make them angry or indifferent. Even more
puzzling is the reason of the actions taken by others, which,
lets face it, sometimes might seem pointless or illogical.
An autistic person thinks very literally and very logically.
The rules of social interaction are learned not innate. When
Cirwen became more verbal, we had to teach her that you
take turns while having a conversation and keep to the
original topic until it is exhausted. Otherwise, her idea of
a conversation was a long, long monologue on her chosen
subject without an expectation of a response from us. She
just blurted out what she wanted to say and walked off,
leaving us rather stunned. If one of us asked a question,
it was answered with another monologue often not even
relating to the question. We also had to teach and explain
that interrupting someone else is rude and she should wait
her turn to join, or comment on what was said.
There is no "small talk" with an autistic person as well. The
idea of the usual "what a lovely day we have!" is completely
baffling. The day is nice, everyone can see it, and what is
the point to talk about it if it's not leading to any conclusion?
We had to teach Cirwen to listen to what others have to say,
even if it didn't involve her current obsession. You see, her
conversation was always one sided. I would start talking
about the film we watched yesterday, but because she didn't
really like it, she would answer by changing subject to the
latest fairy doll she was obsessed with.
It would be something like this:
- Did you like The Toy Story we saw yesterday, Cirwen?
- Mum, I called the fairy Bianca.
- Oh, that's a nice name for your fairy. But what do you think
about the film?
- Bianca said she would like to fly with me to see flowers in the
garden.
As much as it was frustrating I had to give up and talk about the
fairy. For Cirwen, there was no reason to talk about something
she wasn't interested in. Toy Story didn't have fairies in it and
that's what she wanted to talk about.
It took long several years for her grasp the idea, that some people
might be offended.
Another problem she faces, is the reason why people say or do
things, and recognising a joke or sarcasm. She like many other
autistics cannot read facial expressions. If you say something
nasty with a big grin on your face she won't think it's a sarcastic
remark towards her - she will think it's a joke.
Since she became more aware of others and their feelings, Cirwen
is a very gentle and warm hearted person and understands not
to say or do hurtful things. Now, another problem occurs, as she
finds it frustrating and difficult to understand why other children
are mean to her. She dearly wants to be accepted by her peers,
yet children are cruel. They laugh at her and tease her, because
she is different, because she cannot do things they can, because it
takes her longer to understand the lesson. She isn't bullied, it is
what normally happens between the kids at school. I must say she
made three wonderful friends who are literally looking out for her
and always stand up to defend her. She does that for them too.
Point is - people are unpredictable, ambiguous and cruel. They are
scary, confusing and hard to understand. It will take a lot to tame
this chaos. To be comfortable with the unknown, unpredictable
when she is left alone.
It's us typical, ordinary people. In contrary to the
usual daily activities we can organise and predict, another
human being is much more difficult to understand.
People are unpredictable. During an interaction, with
another, you can't often predict what makes them laugh,
what might make them angry or indifferent. Even more
puzzling is the reason of the actions taken by others, which,
lets face it, sometimes might seem pointless or illogical.
An autistic person thinks very literally and very logically.
The rules of social interaction are learned not innate. When
Cirwen became more verbal, we had to teach her that you
take turns while having a conversation and keep to the
original topic until it is exhausted. Otherwise, her idea of
a conversation was a long, long monologue on her chosen
subject without an expectation of a response from us. She
just blurted out what she wanted to say and walked off,
leaving us rather stunned. If one of us asked a question,
it was answered with another monologue often not even
relating to the question. We also had to teach and explain
that interrupting someone else is rude and she should wait
her turn to join, or comment on what was said.
There is no "small talk" with an autistic person as well. The
idea of the usual "what a lovely day we have!" is completely
baffling. The day is nice, everyone can see it, and what is
the point to talk about it if it's not leading to any conclusion?
We had to teach Cirwen to listen to what others have to say,
even if it didn't involve her current obsession. You see, her
conversation was always one sided. I would start talking
about the film we watched yesterday, but because she didn't
really like it, she would answer by changing subject to the
latest fairy doll she was obsessed with.
It would be something like this:
- Did you like The Toy Story we saw yesterday, Cirwen?
- Mum, I called the fairy Bianca.
- Oh, that's a nice name for your fairy. But what do you think
about the film?
- Bianca said she would like to fly with me to see flowers in the
garden.
As much as it was frustrating I had to give up and talk about the
fairy. For Cirwen, there was no reason to talk about something
she wasn't interested in. Toy Story didn't have fairies in it and
that's what she wanted to talk about.
It took long several years for her grasp the idea, that some people
might be offended.
Another problem she faces, is the reason why people say or do
things, and recognising a joke or sarcasm. She like many other
autistics cannot read facial expressions. If you say something
nasty with a big grin on your face she won't think it's a sarcastic
remark towards her - she will think it's a joke.
Since she became more aware of others and their feelings, Cirwen
is a very gentle and warm hearted person and understands not
to say or do hurtful things. Now, another problem occurs, as she
finds it frustrating and difficult to understand why other children
are mean to her. She dearly wants to be accepted by her peers,
yet children are cruel. They laugh at her and tease her, because
she is different, because she cannot do things they can, because it
takes her longer to understand the lesson. She isn't bullied, it is
what normally happens between the kids at school. I must say she
made three wonderful friends who are literally looking out for her
and always stand up to defend her. She does that for them too.
Point is - people are unpredictable, ambiguous and cruel. They are
scary, confusing and hard to understand. It will take a lot to tame
this chaos. To be comfortable with the unknown, unpredictable
when she is left alone.
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
Taming the chaos
My life rarely was organised. I am an opportunist, so my plans
don't go further than next week. Usually what I have planned
doesn't happen, because I found something more exciting to do...
or the plan couldn't be executed due to the unforeseen obstacles.
My decision to go to Great Britain to study was taken within
a week. The plan was to obtain qualifications I needed to proceed
with my interpreting career. Well, I met my now husband and the
plan went to the bin. No regrets. We have planned to get married,
but the date was always unclear. After ten years and two children
it took news of my father's visit and three weeks later my dad
arrived to my wedding.
For my daughter it would not work at all. As an autistic, she is
looking for patterns. They make life predictable and safe. She
does not like radical changes. The unknown for her is dangerous
and even terrifying. Although she was unhappy in hour previous
flat, we took a good few weeks to prepare her to move to a new
house. She was six by then. In order to make it as easy for her
as possible, we explained that the new house will have only one
neighbour next door, which meant there won't be so much noise
at night. It would have a huge garden, where she may find fairies
and play safely in summer. We took her to view the house although
it was a school day, so that she could see what it looks like, see her
new bedroom and the garden. We moved within the vicinity of her
school, so she didn't lose her only friend. We came back several
times to see the house before we had the keys in our hands, just
to help Cirwen to get used to the idea of moving. In the end we
moved 3 days before Christmas and it was great. Cirwen slept
through the night and bloomed.
In spring she complained, that she couldn't sleep in the morning
because... the birds were too loud!!
(It was a nice change after the drunken rows disturbing her in our old place)
Up till Cirwen was about four years old I had to carry her around
almost everywhere. There were places close to where we lived,
were she was happy walking, but as soon as we left the familiar,
she was up in my arms. Only when she was three and a half, I
complained that she becomes a bit too heavy for me to carry. Her
answer to that was "Please mummy, I don't know where we're
going!" It didn't matter that I told her we were going to town
to have ice-cream. The problem was she didn't remember the
way and was scared she will get lost. Obviously this fear was
stronger when we went on holidays and she didn't recognise
anything at all.
This kind of disorientation and fear relates to everyday life as well.
There are routines and rituals Cirwen lives by and cannot be
missed. If they are, she withdraws, gets confused, unhappy;
earlier it was a tantrum. Every morning I wake her up with
the same phrase, and remind her of what she has to do next.
Not that she doesn't know she has to keep personal hygiene -
she likes to hear it. It's reassuring. She eats her breakfast
and then she watches her favourite program on TV before
going to school. It's kids news. Even the way we get dressed
and leave is pretty much the same.
When she is back from school, she tells me what happened;
always starting the sentence: "Well, I came to the classroom
and said hello to Miss and my friends..."
The activities later are varied now as she is more flexible and
has more interests. The bed time however, again has a routine.
I still tell her when to get ready for bed and then I used to read
her a story, now she is older and she reads a book on her own.
She still sometimes asks me to read with her. This is how difficult
it can be to change the ritual. I do tuck her in with a little "girly"
conversation. I have to make sure her quilt and pillows are on the
bed exactly as she likes.
This is the most difficult thing to do when we are away from home,
as she can't sleep for a few nights due to the fact that the bedding is
not the same.
Now Cirwen is eleven now and I am trying to teach her
independence, by giving her little chores in her bedroom.
Although she opens the wardrobe and drawers to get dressed
everyday or watches me doing it, she can't remember where they
go. In order to help her to be able to tidy up her clothes and toys,
I labeled all the shelves and drawers. Now she doesn't need my
physical help to keep her room in order.
The lack of short term memory is very typical for autistic people.
The order,the pattern, making notes and labelling is very important
to lead a comfortable, happy life. A lot of autistic adults never
leave their parent's home as they can't face independent life.
Of course there are many who make it on their own, but this
again depends on the support from parents, social services etc.
I hope, that my Cirwen will be able to live on her own one day.
As much as I am scared almost to death for her, I'll do what I can
to teach her to live full, independent life.
I have to say, thanks to my autistic daughter I have learned
to better organise my own life. Well, to a certain point.
I still keep my little bit of chaos for myself.
don't go further than next week. Usually what I have planned
doesn't happen, because I found something more exciting to do...
or the plan couldn't be executed due to the unforeseen obstacles.
My decision to go to Great Britain to study was taken within
a week. The plan was to obtain qualifications I needed to proceed
with my interpreting career. Well, I met my now husband and the
plan went to the bin. No regrets. We have planned to get married,
but the date was always unclear. After ten years and two children
it took news of my father's visit and three weeks later my dad
arrived to my wedding.
For my daughter it would not work at all. As an autistic, she is
looking for patterns. They make life predictable and safe. She
does not like radical changes. The unknown for her is dangerous
and even terrifying. Although she was unhappy in hour previous
flat, we took a good few weeks to prepare her to move to a new
house. She was six by then. In order to make it as easy for her
as possible, we explained that the new house will have only one
neighbour next door, which meant there won't be so much noise
at night. It would have a huge garden, where she may find fairies
and play safely in summer. We took her to view the house although
it was a school day, so that she could see what it looks like, see her
new bedroom and the garden. We moved within the vicinity of her
school, so she didn't lose her only friend. We came back several
times to see the house before we had the keys in our hands, just
to help Cirwen to get used to the idea of moving. In the end we
moved 3 days before Christmas and it was great. Cirwen slept
through the night and bloomed.
In spring she complained, that she couldn't sleep in the morning
because... the birds were too loud!!
(It was a nice change after the drunken rows disturbing her in our old place)
Up till Cirwen was about four years old I had to carry her around
almost everywhere. There were places close to where we lived,
were she was happy walking, but as soon as we left the familiar,
she was up in my arms. Only when she was three and a half, I
complained that she becomes a bit too heavy for me to carry. Her
answer to that was "Please mummy, I don't know where we're
going!" It didn't matter that I told her we were going to town
to have ice-cream. The problem was she didn't remember the
way and was scared she will get lost. Obviously this fear was
stronger when we went on holidays and she didn't recognise
anything at all.
This kind of disorientation and fear relates to everyday life as well.
There are routines and rituals Cirwen lives by and cannot be
missed. If they are, she withdraws, gets confused, unhappy;
earlier it was a tantrum. Every morning I wake her up with
the same phrase, and remind her of what she has to do next.
Not that she doesn't know she has to keep personal hygiene -
she likes to hear it. It's reassuring. She eats her breakfast
and then she watches her favourite program on TV before
going to school. It's kids news. Even the way we get dressed
and leave is pretty much the same.
When she is back from school, she tells me what happened;
always starting the sentence: "Well, I came to the classroom
and said hello to Miss and my friends..."
The activities later are varied now as she is more flexible and
has more interests. The bed time however, again has a routine.
I still tell her when to get ready for bed and then I used to read
her a story, now she is older and she reads a book on her own.
She still sometimes asks me to read with her. This is how difficult
it can be to change the ritual. I do tuck her in with a little "girly"
conversation. I have to make sure her quilt and pillows are on the
bed exactly as she likes.
This is the most difficult thing to do when we are away from home,
as she can't sleep for a few nights due to the fact that the bedding is
not the same.
Now Cirwen is eleven now and I am trying to teach her
independence, by giving her little chores in her bedroom.
Although she opens the wardrobe and drawers to get dressed
everyday or watches me doing it, she can't remember where they
go. In order to help her to be able to tidy up her clothes and toys,
I labeled all the shelves and drawers. Now she doesn't need my
physical help to keep her room in order.
The lack of short term memory is very typical for autistic people.
The order,the pattern, making notes and labelling is very important
to lead a comfortable, happy life. A lot of autistic adults never
leave their parent's home as they can't face independent life.
Of course there are many who make it on their own, but this
again depends on the support from parents, social services etc.
I hope, that my Cirwen will be able to live on her own one day.
As much as I am scared almost to death for her, I'll do what I can
to teach her to live full, independent life.
I have to say, thanks to my autistic daughter I have learned
to better organise my own life. Well, to a certain point.
I still keep my little bit of chaos for myself.
Thursday, 16 April 2009
The Neno's Award
Another day - another award! What a lucky streak! Thank you Squirrel
Queen for passing this honour to me placing me on the same platform as
the greatest. Thank you!
The Neno's award is:
1) a dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging.
2) to seek the reasons why we all love blogging.
Why do I love blogging? There are so many reasons... to shed a bit of light what autism is,
how we deal with it, to meet so many great people and share experience, knowledge, beauty
and the list will be too long.... You all know why.
The aims of this award:
1)As a dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging.
2)To seek the reasons why we all love blogging.
3)Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it.
4)Don't forget to mention the person who gives you the award.
5)Answer the award's question by writing the reason why you love blogging.
6)Tag and distribute the award to as many people as you like.
7)Don't forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your post.
I haven't been blogging for long, so I am still finding new blogs and new friends
I would love to pass the Neno's Award to:
1. It's Gonna Take More Than A Hamburger To Make Me Happy
2.Provocation of Mine (d)
They are fresh and full of passion - enjoy your visit :-)
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
A big "Thank you" to AlPha B.
It have been very eventful two days here, within
the blog community. The Awards being given and
received.
Thanks to these awards I have so many new
fantastic blogs to check out and follow! Phew,
it's very exciting and spring like...
However, what I actually want to say is:
Thank you AlPha Buttonpusher. Thank you
for passing the honour of Noblesse Oblige
to me. I have only started my blog a month
ago with big aspirations but expectation of
rather mild response due to a sensitive subject
or, as they call it niche. I am truly stunned by
the warm welcome, encouragement and variety
of my readers!
To add a cherry on top AlPha has took her
time to search for these new autism related
icons with added link to "Untamed thoughts..."
What can I say but: just jump up and down
and shout again Thank you!!!
For your time, generosity and all these
beautiful things and thoughts you do!
Click away dear friends, copy and paste,
add anywhere you wish.
the blog community. The Awards being given and
received.
Thanks to these awards I have so many new
fantastic blogs to check out and follow! Phew,
it's very exciting and spring like...
However, what I actually want to say is:
Thank you AlPha Buttonpusher. Thank you
for passing the honour of Noblesse Oblige
to me. I have only started my blog a month
ago with big aspirations but expectation of
rather mild response due to a sensitive subject
or, as they call it niche. I am truly stunned by
the warm welcome, encouragement and variety
of my readers!
To add a cherry on top AlPha has took her
time to search for these new autism related
icons with added link to "Untamed thoughts..."
What can I say but: just jump up and down
and shout again Thank you!!!
For your time, generosity and all these
beautiful things and thoughts you do!
Click away dear friends, copy and paste,
add anywhere you wish.
Monday, 13 April 2009
If there was a cure, would I...?
The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon is another one on my favourite books list. I have written
this review for one of other websites I joined. The book is placed in a futuristic world. It left me
with very strange question. If there was a cure, would I put my daughter through it? Would
she stay the same and if not would this be a change for better?
For those who are here for the first time. Please remember I am pondering over the mild case of high functioning autistic. In the case of severe autism I would not hesitate.
The Speed of Dark is narrated mainly by its autistic hero, Lou Arrendale. Written with the honesty and passion the book is another example of Moon's gift for characteristics.
Lou is 35 and his life is perfectly organized. Thanks to his gift for pattern analysis he works for a pharmaceutical company together with his "normal" and autistic co-workers, he practices fencing, makes friends. He follows the rule hammered into his head for years: "Act normal, and you will be normal enough."
His peace, however, is shattered after his "normal" friend's violent outburst and an unexpected announcement of his new boss. The management gave all autistic staff an ultimatum: undergo the new experimental treatment to cure autism or lose the job. The treatment will alter the subject's brain, wipe out everything what made them - personality, memory, knowledge - tabula nasa.
That is when Lou's exploration of free will, identity, health and illness, good and evil begins. He looks for answers. Who will he become? Will there be a slight memory of Lou Arrendale left when he wakes up? Is it really better to be "normal"? What is the speed of dark? If he chooses to undergo the treatment he will have to catch the darkness. Lou throws himself into studies of neurology in order to find the pattern which would help him understand his dilemma. Like many little boys, he wanted to become an astronaught and because Lou was autistic this dream could not come true. If he becomes "normal" will he be able to follow that path and make his dream come true?
His philosophical quest for self is captivating in his obsession with the speed of dark. Lou finally makes his decision - "When I get there, the speed of light and the speed of dark will be the same".
Elizabeth Moon has presented us with a very believable character and psyche of an autistic. You will not find many so insightful novels written by a "normal". Her book is a gift to all of us; a chance to understand the unknown; appreciate the different, and question. "Not knowing arrives before knowing" says Lou; such a simple truth but how much courage does it take to make this step and find out...
I have put down this book with many questions still gnawing at me and I hope those who will read it now, will see why. Most compelling and eye opening piece of great literature.
this review for one of other websites I joined. The book is placed in a futuristic world. It left me
with very strange question. If there was a cure, would I put my daughter through it? Would
she stay the same and if not would this be a change for better?
For those who are here for the first time. Please remember I am pondering over the mild case of high functioning autistic. In the case of severe autism I would not hesitate.
The Speed of Dark is narrated mainly by its autistic hero, Lou Arrendale. Written with the honesty and passion the book is another example of Moon's gift for characteristics.
Lou is 35 and his life is perfectly organized. Thanks to his gift for pattern analysis he works for a pharmaceutical company together with his "normal" and autistic co-workers, he practices fencing, makes friends. He follows the rule hammered into his head for years: "Act normal, and you will be normal enough."
His peace, however, is shattered after his "normal" friend's violent outburst and an unexpected announcement of his new boss. The management gave all autistic staff an ultimatum: undergo the new experimental treatment to cure autism or lose the job. The treatment will alter the subject's brain, wipe out everything what made them - personality, memory, knowledge - tabula nasa.
That is when Lou's exploration of free will, identity, health and illness, good and evil begins. He looks for answers. Who will he become? Will there be a slight memory of Lou Arrendale left when he wakes up? Is it really better to be "normal"? What is the speed of dark? If he chooses to undergo the treatment he will have to catch the darkness. Lou throws himself into studies of neurology in order to find the pattern which would help him understand his dilemma. Like many little boys, he wanted to become an astronaught and because Lou was autistic this dream could not come true. If he becomes "normal" will he be able to follow that path and make his dream come true?
His philosophical quest for self is captivating in his obsession with the speed of dark. Lou finally makes his decision - "When I get there, the speed of light and the speed of dark will be the same".
Elizabeth Moon has presented us with a very believable character and psyche of an autistic. You will not find many so insightful novels written by a "normal". Her book is a gift to all of us; a chance to understand the unknown; appreciate the different, and question. "Not knowing arrives before knowing" says Lou; such a simple truth but how much courage does it take to make this step and find out...
I have put down this book with many questions still gnawing at me and I hope those who will read it now, will see why. Most compelling and eye opening piece of great literature.
Sunday, 12 April 2009
The Award
I cannot believe my eyes. My little blog has been recognised for this wonderful award. The more appreciated it is, as it has beengiven to me by THE GEM of this community herself Alpha Buttonpusher whose blog I read almost religiously. No one should
miss INduCed MEtaMoRphOsis.
The recipient of this award is recognised for:
1) The Blogger manifests exemplary attitude, respecting the nuances that pervades amongst different cultures and beliefs.
2) The Blog contents inspire; strives to encourage and offers solutions.
3) There is a clear purpose at the Blog; one that fosters a better understanding on Social, Political, Economic, the Arts, Culture and Sciences and Beliefs.
4) The Blog is refreshing and creative.
5) The Blogger promotes friendship and positive thinking.
The Blogger who receives this award will need to perform the following steps:
1) Create a Post with a mention and link to the person who presented the Noblesse Oblige Award. (done)
2) The Award Conditions must be displayed at the Post. (done)
3) Write a short article about what the Blog has thus far achieved – preferably citing one or more older post to support. (see below)
4) The Blogger must present the Noblesse Oblige Award in concurrence with the Award conditions. (done)
5) Blogger must display the Award at any location at the Blog. (done)
What this blog has achieved so far? This is a question... I hope it has achieved the main goal:
to raise awareness of autism and ruin some myths. The "sub-goal" is to share the way I deal
with my daughter's disability, the positive attitude towards it despite the obstacles and
creativity of parenting it demands. The nature of an autistic mind. I hope...
1) Autism - Myth and Reality
2) About a girl who didn't like love
3) How Goth culture helped my autistic daughter
4) Have you got an autistic bone in you?
5)Something to read
These are the blogs I chose to pass the Noblesse Oblige Award:
1. LIVE WRITE DREAM - poet and writer who's comedy just made it to stage
2. My Live... lived my way - for his humour and such a modest heroism
3.The Yes (Woman) - for her incredible honesty and insight
4.The Road To Here - Squirrel Queen's images and thoughts constant flow of
food for thought
5. Riding The Short Bus - for Kat's insight, sharp language and humour
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