Autism Service Dogs Part 1 -- Meet my guest

Today, I'd like you all to meet my guest: Ryan and
her beautiful white German Sheppard , Nimrodel.

Ryan is an Autistic young woman thanks to whom,
I have found out about the Autism Service Dogs.
Nim has made Ryan's independent life possible and
happy. Please listen and watch their story:

(she says it's a draft, but I wouldn't change it)

Autism service dog dedication - video by Ryan

Contacts for USA organisations - the best of all Wilderwood
and Highland Canine

Contact for United Kingdom organisations - supportdogs

All of them train the dogs both for children and adults.

Back to work?

Is it a good time to go back to work, or not? This is a question...
I have stayed at home for the last year. I thought it was important
that I was "on call" and available at all times during Cirwen's first
year in secondary school. This also coincided with Little Dragon's
first year in the nursery.

As you know from my previous posts, it proved to be the right
decision, as there were so many problems. Most of the bullying
issues have been sorted. Cirwen grew up emotionally and
socially during this time and developed a lot of new coping skills.
She achieved so much, she has been recognised, she excelled in
her subjects of interest.

But. I know, there always be a but, because I am so protective...
It doesn't mean all the problems are solved and there will be
new issues next year.

On the other hand, I can't just stay home for ever and when the phone
calls pick it up thinking "is she crying or is she happy?". I need
a bit of my own separate life. Away.

I am searching half heartedly, at the moment, as I still fight with
my own thoughts. Am I ready to let her be even more independent?
Is she ready for that? Will my new employer understand the challenges
we are facing every day just to lead a normal life, and that sometimes
a usually a small problem turns into tragedy? For many businesses
hiring a mother means days off to deal with children's sickness, school
plays etc. Hiring a mother of an Autistic child may seem a higher
risk.

Well, I'll see how it goes. I am back in the job market. With all my
fears, I cannot forget that I am not alone and if I can't deal with
something there's always their Dad. My darling husband, who
has been looking after Cirwen all those primary school years while
I was working full time. I realise now, I have taken over with
a thoughtless force of I'm here now, I will do it.... I'm sorry dear G.

It's a jungle out there...

I haven't been around as much as would like to.
I have read my blogs I follow, but didn't have
enough time to comment.

Little Dragon just started to go to a nursery for
two and a half hours a day. In the afternoon, so
my day is broken up into short intervals. He is
loving it and first day was without a drama. Just
a simple "Bye mum!". Completely different from
his sister, who sent me on a right guilt trip with
a proper scream, holding to my leg till I ran in
shame.

And now again, although without the dramas, I
feel guilty. I feel guilty for having to pretend it's
all going to be fine soon. But I don't know if it will
be fine.

Cirwen has been bullied at school and after school
on the way to the bus stop. One day, during a lunch
break, a group of kids through plastic bottles and
stones at her. Nothing actually hit her, but she was
upset and scared. She is constantly pushed to the end
of the queue at lunch, so she is late for lessons.
Another day she called me in tears, as one boy through
a stone after her with insults, and threatened to beat
her up. Yesterday she got into a fight with another girl.

These incidents have been reported to the headmistress
and some steps have been taken. Cirwen will attend
a lunch club, where they have a separate room to eat
and hang during breaks. She has an assigned "buddy",
an older girl who will help her resolve such situations.

It's all good, but is it a right course of action? The school
separated the victims of bulling. Yet I haven't heard what
they going to do with the bullies. Shouldn't those hooligans
be separated from the healthy minded kids?!

This way, the school created a group of children, who now
will be marked as victims. A easy target. They might have
as well stick a sign on their heads saying "hit me!".

Some of the bullying goes after the children leave the premises.
Obviously, there is nothing teachers can do about it. My hands
however, are tied too. If i come and pick her up everyday, she'll
gain another label of a "baby", "sissy" or whatever they call it now.
I have to keep sending her to school and just hope she will be far
away from those she knows are nasty.

She puts her brave little face on and she goes to school. Because
she likes it, she likes the teachers and she likes her new friends
she made. Yet, I can see, there is a little bit of fear, of what bad
might happen as well. Although, both my husband and myself
told her to stand up and don't wait for the first punch any more.
No one likes to be hit. Even bullies.

We'll see. The lunch club and the "buddy" have just been
introduced on Monday. We'll see how it will affect her life.

We'll see. Yet, I still feel guilty. For choosing this school,
(although others wouldn't be any better), for my determination,
to teach Cirwen live independently, for saying it's going to be
better, for telling her now to fight for herself even with fists.

For not telling her earlier - it's a jungle out there...

Success!

I am soo proud!
I expected to accompany Cirwen to and from school
at least till the end of this month. How wrong I was!

We are just two weeks into the school year and my
brave girl has already come back home on her own
twice.

Yesterday, she asked if she could go to school alone.
I went through the landmarks, armed her in her
mobile phone in case of emergency ... armed myself
in patience ... and off she went.

It was the longest few hours of the morning ever.
Around 9.30am I stopped worrying. She didn't call
me in distress, and the school didn't call me to ask
why she didn't attend the lessons. Guessed then she'd
made it.

I realise now, that I should give Cirwen more credit
than I usually do. She is capable of so much more
than I let her. I suppose because of Cirwen's autistic
nature, my judgement is often biased. Based not only
on experience first hand, but also other parents' stories
I fear. I became overprotective and maybe create
the atmosphere, where she feels threatened by the
world more than she should?

It is so hard though, to find the golden middle. To find
the point where common sense and healthy parenting
do not cross the boundary towards crippling love, putting
the child in the glass jar. Like The Little Prince, I have to
let my Rose grow no matter the weather. She'll survive.

Holidays!!

Finally - summer holidays...

The last two weeks have been incredibly busy.
Induction days 2-6 went great. Cirwen still
enjoyed going and learning in her future "comp".
She made friends and it seems that some of the
older pupils took her under their wings as well.
She came back one day proud and all smiley as
she was shown where the "cool kids" hang out
during the break. She can't wait to start in
September although she decided to join their
activity scheme during August, where she will
be able to keep in contact with her new friends.

In the meantime, I run around from one parents
meeting to another... Secondary SEN-Co demanded
all medical reports in the last minute, Primary
meeting for admission of the Little Dragon to the
nursery (yey! The teacher can't wait to have Cirwen's
little brother in her class..), the last performance of
the year six... "Doctor Who and The Missing Head-
Teacher" proved to be actually funny and entertaining
(in contrary to endless, boring Christmas plays).
Cirwen didn't have a solo, or main part, but stood out
with her grin and energy. Her face was beaming with
pride and joy on the stage.

The week before the performance, Cirwen was due to
make a presentation in front of the class. Originally,
she decided to do it on her little brother as she loves
him so much. Five days before the assigned day,
however, after a quarrel at school, she changed her mind
and told me she wanted to tell kids about autism. She
was fed up with the laughing and teasing by regular "not
yet bullies". And so, with my help, she did it. She went
to school to explain why she is different, why she cries
so quickly and often, why she talks in such a way, and
how difficult it is when people don't understand how hard
it can be. She also explained it is not all so bad and found
a list of famous people with autism.

I thought she was incredibly brave to do this. it's not easy
to label yourself in front of cruel already kids, and risk may
be more teasing later. Again my worries were unfounded.
Cirwen received an apology from two of the kids who liked
to tease her, and was flooded with questions even after the
lesson finished. Later that day on the assembly, she received
the Golden Award for her presentation.

She made me so proud. She proved she can adjust to change,
she proved she has the potential for independence, she
proved she can fight for herself and accepted her autism
not only as disability she has to live with, she accepted she
will always have to fight for her right to be accepted to the
society, her right to live and strive for achievement.

Induction - Day one

Here it came. The induction day at the Academy. I must
say, the school thought it through. The year 6 children
have been to the Academy for a whole day. Next week
they come for two days and the week after, they will
spend three days there. The timetables will be kept for
September. I thought - "Wow, it could not be better than
that for my stuck in her ways girl. She will meet the new
kids, see the school and get the idea of the new school
life and system, instead of being thrown into the deep
water and left to deal with it." I was confident and excited
for her. I was positive. Till Monday...

We got up early, actually, for once Cirwen knocked on
my bedroom door, fully dressed at six o'clock asking
if I could help her to find a belt for her jeans... She was
all excited and ready to go. All packed, happy to show
off her new "Twilight" lunch box and see the new school.

We happily caught the bus, and both looked for landmarks
to help us remember the way and where to get off. We did
the same during the walking part of the journey. We were
half an hour early... It wasn't a problem though, as the older
Academy pupils were waiting for the newcomers to round
them up and usher them to the main hall.

Cirwen confidently exchanged "Hello's" with them, asked
a few questions, and then her greeting was completely
ignored by two arriving girls. Noses in the air they looked
other way. I had to go. I could not hang around of course.
I left with a very heavy heart. Cirwen was standing alone
between the two groups of children who obviously new
each other from their street or primary school. She still
assured me she would be fine.

I spend the rest of my day going about my usual domestic
stuff and playing with my Little Dragon, trying to pretend
I'm not worried. But I couldn't help it! What if she will be
just left alone all day, because she's the kid from different
school? What if she bursts into tears at the slightest jest
about her looks or the way she talks which will give her the
cry baby status for the rest of her school life? What if...?
What if...?

3pm came later than usual. Time was dragging cruelly.
Finally, I was there. at the gates, waiting to see her face.
waiting to see the expression on her face.

There she run up to me... Huge grin, skip, "It was brilliant!",
she exclaimed. And my legs buckled and I hugged her to hide
my tears. She made it through the first day. Cirwen made
8 friends (obviously it means these were the girls who she
immediately got on with), she loved every minute of it. One
teacher, she said, freaked her out a bit. "He was just too nice,
but then he became a bit more bossy, so I thought he's OK",
she explained. That made me laugh. He must have invaded
her personal space. For an autistic girl it doesn't have to be
really, really, almost touching close. He crossed the boundary
of her safety bubble she established for people.

Anyway, I am again positive. She can't wait to go back next
Monday.

I know I worry too much, and my girl may be not so vulnerable
as I think. I guess as much as Cirwen needs to be independent,
I have to learn not only how to enforce it, but how to get used to
her independence.

Taming the chaos

My life rarely was organised. I am an opportunist, so my plans
don't go further than next week. Usually what I have planned
doesn't happen, because I found something more exciting to do...
or the plan couldn't be executed due to the unforeseen obstacles.

My decision to go to Great Britain to study was taken within
a week. The plan was to obtain qualifications I needed to proceed
with my interpreting career. Well, I met my now husband and the
plan went to the bin. No regrets. We have planned to get married,
but the date was always unclear. After ten years and two children
it took news of my father's visit and three weeks later my dad
arrived to my wedding.

For my daughter it would not work at all. As an autistic, she is
looking for patterns. They make life predictable and safe. She
does not like radical changes. The unknown for her is dangerous
and even terrifying. Although she was unhappy in hour previous
flat, we took a good few weeks to prepare her to move to a new
house. She was six by then. In order to make it as easy for her
as possible, we explained that the new house will have only one
neighbour next door, which meant there won't be so much noise
at night. It would have a huge garden, where she may find fairies
and play safely in summer. We took her to view the house although
it was a school day, so that she could see what it looks like, see her
new bedroom and the garden. We moved within the vicinity of her
school, so she didn't lose her only friend. We came back several
times to see the house before we had the keys in our hands, just
to help Cirwen to get used to the idea of moving. In the end we
moved 3 days before Christmas and it was great. Cirwen slept
through the night and bloomed.

In spring she complained, that she couldn't sleep in the morning
because... the birds were too loud!!
(It was a nice change after the drunken rows disturbing her in our old place)

Up till Cirwen was about four years old I had to carry her around
almost everywhere. There were places close to where we lived,
were she was happy walking, but as soon as we left the familiar,
she was up in my arms. Only when she was three and a half, I
complained that she becomes a bit too heavy for me to carry. Her
answer to that was "Please mummy, I don't know where we're
going!" It didn't matter that I told her we were going to town
to have ice-cream. The problem was she didn't remember the
way and was scared she will get lost. Obviously this fear was
stronger when we went on holidays and she didn't recognise
anything at all.

This kind of disorientation and fear relates to everyday life as well.
There are routines and rituals Cirwen lives by and cannot be
missed. If they are, she withdraws, gets confused, unhappy;
earlier it was a tantrum. Every morning I wake her up with
the same phrase, and remind her of what she has to do next.
Not that she doesn't know she has to keep personal hygiene -
she likes to hear it. It's reassuring. She eats her breakfast
and then she watches her favourite program on TV before
going to school. It's kids news. Even the way we get dressed
and leave is pretty much the same.

When she is back from school, she tells me what happened;
always starting the sentence: "Well, I came to the classroom
and said hello to Miss and my friends..."

The activities later are varied now as she is more flexible and
has more interests. The bed time however, again has a routine.
I still tell her when to get ready for bed and then I used to read
her a story, now she is older and she reads a book on her own.
She still sometimes asks me to read with her. This is how difficult
it can be to change the ritual. I do tuck her in with a little "girly"
conversation. I have to make sure her quilt and pillows are on the
bed exactly as she likes.

This is the most difficult thing to do when we are away from home,
as she can't sleep for a few nights due to the fact that the bedding is
not the same.

Now Cirwen is eleven now and I am trying to teach her
independence, by giving her little chores in her bedroom.
Although she opens the wardrobe and drawers to get dressed
everyday or watches me doing it, she can't remember where they
go. In order to help her to be able to tidy up her clothes and toys,
I labeled all the shelves and drawers. Now she doesn't need my
physical help to keep her room in order.

The lack of short term memory is very typical for autistic people.
The order,the pattern, making notes and labelling is very important
to lead a comfortable, happy life. A lot of autistic adults never
leave their parent's home as they can't face independent life.
Of course there are many who make it on their own, but this
again depends on the support from parents, social services etc.

I hope, that my Cirwen will be able to live on her own one day.
As much as I am scared almost to death for her, I'll do what I can
to teach her to live full, independent life.

I have to say, thanks to my autistic daughter I have learned
to better organise my own life. Well, to a certain point.
I still keep my little bit of chaos for myself.

What a beautiful day!

I had such a beautiful day! The sun was shining and it smelled with coming
spring... My daughter took another tiny step towards independence. I sat
in my garden and breathed the waking life... everything's going to be fine...
today is perfect...

And then I received the news about the Sisterhood Award for which I do
thank you my Non-Imaginary friend. I do not deserve it. Can this day
get any better? No it doesn't have to.

I am now passing this award to those who touched me with their talent,
and brightened my days. Welcome to the Sisterhood.

Live Write Dream

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This is how it works:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 5 blogs which show great ATTITUDE and/or GRATITUDE.
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link this post to the person from whom you received your award.


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